#making this as a post I can link to for my other stuff
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My Favorite Stories
I've read so many amazing stories on here by amazing authors. I've been meaning to make a post so I can keep them in one spot, and, of course, share them easily with all of you.
There were far more of you than I realized. lol Enjoy everyone and feel free to recommend any fics you think I might enjoy in the comments.
Supporting Writers <3
@spnexploration - Pack - A/B/O - Collared
@zepskies - Smoke Eater - first one of hers I read. - Dean Master List - everythings good.
@dean-winchester-is-a-warrior - Master List Dean - Green is My Favorite Color - Things Learned & Unlearned
@holylulusworld - Honestly, anything by them. Amazing writer. Lots of A/B/O stuff too.
@luci-in-trenchcoats - Master List Dean - Series lots to choose from. Read The Ranger first. Amazing series. A/B/O - Feral A/B/O - The Dark Lord
@artyandink - Old Fashioned - Amoralism
@queen-of-deans-booty - Right After All - Deadly Proposal Lots of amazing things to read on their master list.
@yet-another-deanw-girl - The Prophecy
@jollyhunter - Master List - Daily Dean Winchester
@ambiguous-avery - Chasing Shadows - A MUST READ!
@my-stories-vault - Dean Winchester Series Purgatory & The Supernatural Wars are amazing!!
@maddie0101 - Rodeo Nights
@kazsrm67 - Dean Winchester Series I have SOOOO many more to read on here. lol
@angels-silhouette - Ten Years Gone
@bewitchedfaeyrie - The French Mistake (I think is the title)
@jessjad - Rightfully Deceived
@girls-alias - Master List Dean Fics I recommend Dean's Dream - Djinn, which is excellent.
@stusbunker - Never Doubt The Best Man - Known
@k-slla - Master List Several excellent fics to read.
@waywardxwords - Master List Several excellent fics to read.
@deanbrainrotwritings - Master List Dean Fics
@julesthequirky - The Choice
@notinthislife50 - Dean Masterlist
@deanwritings - Master List - The Guest House I recommend Night Falls - Excellent. Lots to read though.
@impala-dreamer - Good Vibrations They have a lot of other great fics too.
@layce2015 - Supernatural Rewrite
@deanwanddamons - Mechanic & Mistletoe
@pink-sparkly-witch - Can't Fight This Feeling A/B/O
@nescaveckwriter - Paintbrushes & Romance I couldn't find the master list link for this story. It's beautiful and so worth the read.
@whimsyfinny - Master List Recommend both series they have written. Amazing.
@alexsoenomel - Dean Master List Pretty sure I read everything on here, lol.
@maximumkillshot - When You Call A/B/O I also read a lot of what they wrote. lol
@spnhunter4life - So Long
@meowmeow-motherfucker - The Fox & The Squirrel
@winchesterfanatic1967 - Master List - Recommend Picking Up the Pieces I've read a lot of these. Amazing.
@fanfictionalraven - Master List Recommend - Piece By Piece & Dream Warriors - excellent
@winchesterwild78 - Unexpected Hunter
@dwonfilm - Come Hell or High Water
@jawritter - When the Lights Go Out Other amazing fics on their master list, including A/B/O
@brightlilith - In Another Universe
@acreativelydifferentlove - Carry On A/B/O
@thelibrarylesstrektraveled - To The Victor A/B/O
@sofreddie - New World Order A/B/O
@lila-lou - Taking Her In
@kittenofdoomage - Neiras - oneshot but excellent
Another List of Amazing Authors - Here
@supernatural-jackles - Where It All Began
@godmadeaterribleerror - Willing to Break
---------------------------- Permanent Tag List: @roseblue373 @flamencodiva @reignsboy19 @stillhere197 @foxyjwls007
@hobby27 @megs-gadom @cheekygirl2309 @mxtansy @ladysparkles78
@ambiguous-avery @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes @jackles010378 @suckitands33 @my-stories-vault
#spn fanfic#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural#dean winchester fanfiction#spn#dean winchester fic#writer appreciation
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A take on Micah Bell's full backstory
So this is a new kind of post to me, a big-ass fan theory of sorts, but I've always enjoyed the more out-there takes in fandom. Also I've been sitting on this for months so it's nice to get it out.
In short, I made up a full backstory for Micah from the few scraps of information that are given in game. I'll go through some of those details first, then go through my own take in four sections:
Part 1: The way of the grandfather/the legacy of Micah Bell the First Part 2: Early years/Competitive survival Part 3: Young Adulthood/O'Driscoll Boy!Micah Part 4: Later Adulthood/Evil Bounty Hunter!Micah
(Note that the 1st and 2nd part will spoil my fanfic series The Devils, but it can still be read, as it's full of juicier details.)
Canon and semi-canon details from his backstory
So we don't know a whole lot, hints only given by select dialogue and a newspaper clip. Micah is the third in line in a family of outlaws, and ran together with his father and brother Amos for a while. His father was wanted for murder all over the place, and seems like a man with dark charm ("Ain't life grand?") and a temper (nearly killing Amos). Amos, who ran away from the family tradition, wanting nothing to do with it. You can read about them on various online encyclopedias, but know that some of those are written by uh, creative fans, and AI, so there is often errors. It's irritating, but it is what it is.
An interesting bit is the interview with Micah's actor Peter Blomquist (I have tried to google but am having trouble finding it; please send link if you have it!) is the mention that Micah's father was bad, but his grandfather was worse. Tbh I think this is a bit from a backstory that was among the things that were scrapped from the final game.
So, of his grandfather we know almost nothing, except that he was wild. And that he was maybe worse than Micah III's father. But that also means that the Second was also better than the First somehow.
My take
Part 1: The way of the grandfather / the legacy of Micah Bell the First
I think the grandfather was the head of the family as long as he lived. I also think he imposed a terrible burden upon Micah Bell II (and III).
It's interesting if the Second tries to be better than the First in that when he got a woman pregnant, he tried to hide her and their two children, because he didn't want to force the Bell training upon them. But it slipped out one evening due to drink. The older forced the younger to reveal the locations of the woman and the two sons.
And so the training of the two new Bells begins, harsh and unrelenting. Shooting, robbing, killing. And more 18+ than I feel is necessary in this post, but yeah, disturbing stuff.
Micah being the one to inherit the name most likely means that he is older than Amos. But the thing is that Micah gives off serious little brother vibes to me. I dunno exactly why. Vibes, man.
So, I thought an interesting twist would be: what if the name of Micah Bell was something that had to be earned? What if they'd been given different names originally, Amos and something unknown, before the latter was the better outlaw and became the Micah Bell III we know. He is one of the fastest shots in the game, and a competition like that, begun from early age, could've given him initiative to train harder, desperate to earn the name.
I am a cruel writer. How can I make this crueler? I got it:
Their grandfather identifies quickly that one brother is weaker and easier to manipulate than the other. Not in physical strength, but in terms of familial bonds. Maybe he is less charming than Amos, and makes fewer friends, because idk he is busy eating bugs (he seems like the kind of kid who would eat bugs). Or maybe their mother, before the arrival of the men, makes the boys attend a local church school, and Amos finds love in the religion while his brother stares out the window. Not because he's evil but because he's easily bored.
So the grandfather only tells one brother of the competition about earning the name, and it's not Amos. He also says the one who loses the right to the name has to be killed by the winner because there can only be one Micah Bell for each generation, that's how it has always been done. Maybe he speaks the truth, maybe he lies, but no matter what he is efficiently cutting the bond between the two brothers.
Part 2: Early years / Competitive survival
So, that is how Micah Bell III becomes Micah Bell III, as a boy and as a youth. I'll just go back to calling him Micah to make it easier, also because calling him anything else would kind of feel like waving a death sentence in the face of a child after I wrote The Devils. Because even people who commit atrocities have been a child once.
Growing up, Micah's survival depends upon winning over his brother. This is where his idea of winning and losing comes from. It doesn't help that his father yaps on and on about a similar philosophy, but where he's all words, Micah is all acts.
Micah never finds out that Amos doesn't know about the competition. He resents him from not trying harder. For making Micah look bad, training so hard so he can kill his fool brother, lying awake at night and mentally preparing for it. But if friendships are rope, then familial bonds are chains; almost impossible to cut.
He lies awake at night and stares at Amos on the other side of the fire, missing when they curled up together back when it did not feel like sleeping next to an enemy. It eats the child up, all that training. Not much left of who he was or could be. Hey, at least he doesn't have time to eat bugs.
But maybe, if their grandfather falls ill, Micah is the one to kill him. Unable to cope with the idea of killing his brother, he shoots him in the face. And then he turns to Amos, grinning, because they're free.
Amos does not see himself as freed. He sees murder. He thinks it is only because Micah saw their grandfather as weak, when he secretly had been the strongest force in their life. Micah walks towards him, covered in their grandfather's blood (I do like a dramatic scene), and Amos turns away, throws up and tells him to stay away. Micah feels shock, then loss, then rage. Micah Bell II would probably react with pure rage, but Micah is so used to surviving things at this point, he survives that too. None of their relationships are all that salvageable from this moment, especially not after Amos runs away.
This makes me think of another HC of mine, namely that Micah is the one to kill Amos, which has its own post and arguments here. But if you add in the theory present in this post, it makes even more sense to why he'd killed Amos, finishing what he had been trained to do since he was a kid.
Part 3: Young adulthood / O'Driscoll Boy!Micah
Did you know Micah's outfits have a bunch of half-hidden, green accents them? I've seen it on his scarf, his gloves, his horse saddle ...
This is basically copy pasting a bit from a Twitter thread I made, but I just really like the idea of Micah being an ex-O'Driscoll Boy mainly due to his green scarf. It's more of a teal, but maybe it's a faded O'Driscoll green. Colm would've valued a gun like him. His ruthlessness and boot-licking, too. Especially if he was younger, lonelier and easier to sway. After his brother leaves and his father dies, he'll have no one.
And while he is a bit of a lone wolf hermit, Colm could've reminded him of his father, like Dutch probably does, but I really like the thought of Colm reminding Micah of his grandfather. He wouldn't be too unfamiliar with the gang dynamic, and find more homeliness in that than in a normal family. There's a well-known tendency among abused kids to unconsciously seek out relationships that mirror their broken families. Paradoxically, the lack of safety feels safe.
Of course, the Bell heritage is too alive within him to render him into another nameless O'Driscoll Boy, so he and Colm eventually fall out. He goes back to being a lone wolf, but maybe he's made some connections, which make gathering a troop easier, especially for bank robberies (Skinny, Cleet, Joe...). But he mostly stays alone.
During RDR2, when Colm was hanged, maybe Micah felt the green scarf catch strangely, while in camp or while out riding (or even watching the hanging happen from a dark back alley in Saint Denis). Micah reached behind to the nape of his neck, feeling as though someone had held him there, squeezed, and then let go.
Part 4: Later Adulthood / Evil bounty hunter!Micah
So I'm a total sucker for the theory of Micah being a form of a hitman that's like an evil bounty hunter. The main reason for this is the fact that Dutch's bounty poster can be found at Micah's camp outside Strawberry. But also because my first thought when we first met him in the game was "Omg, Loco from The Great Silence, my favorite evil bounty hunter villain!" They have some of the same color scheme in the winter outfit, and I think it's a reference.
Loco has the same life philosophy as Micah, as seen in this quote: "You're on the side of the law. We, we're on the side of the law of survival… survival of the fittest!" and kind of in this one (ok I'm putting it here because it's so cool, he's just burst into the hideout of his own evil bounty hunter gang) "Since when are wolves afraid of wolves?"
I like the idea of Micah is sick to death of gang life but knows enough of it from his time as an O'Driscoll to infiltrate hideouts and gangs easy, to reap bounties from the lawful people he's been robbing up to now and occasionally still do. Maybe the Van der Lindes weren't the first gang he brought down. That's fun to think about.
Also, I love it when asshole villains do the "right" thing. Partly why I love Micah's character; as an antagonist, he brings down Arthur and John, directly and indirectly.
(Ooh this is beside the point, but that's actually one of my issues with the narratives of the RDR and GTA games. They have this core of nihilism that actively hinders their stories from becoming as great as their characters, but also makes the games sell easier. Maybe another post, or maybe fandom isn't the place for critiques.)
Anyway, Micah just didn't think anyone could ever get to him, but then again he'd never met anyone like Dutch. Hell, the man even had the same dark charm like his father, enjoying similar exclamations. I think he hoped to recreate something of his old family dynamic with Dutch, who was kinder than his grandfather, father and Colm. We all know how that went. His last words was still a compliment to Dutch though. As if it was still a competition, or a game, in the end.
*walks a few steps away, twirls, shrugs, falls face first into the snow*
Here's another pic of Loco (along with the GIF in the beginning):
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5d2c9c18156cd026673fe9d4ec9dbd41/987a6441b5e38686-fe/s540x810/b707717af453becba539038c04f0ed34ad4e9a73.jpg)
The end
Yeah I have not much more to say here lol. Feel free to use and expand upon this theory, or make your own by taking out of some of the foundations, could be cool to see. I'd love a shoutout, but it seems shoutouts are going out of fashion, which is sad. Put the community back into fandom! Stop it with the competition! Make friends! Lmao "be less like Micah", but yeah, I guess it stands. I see so many people worship canon like a deity. Please have more fun!!!
Anyway, thank you for reading ☺️
#amras writes#micah bell#red dead redemption 2#red dead fandom#red dead redemption#rdr#rdr2#rdr fandom#rdr2 micah#rdr2 community#colm o'driscoll#o'driscoll boys#amos bell#micah bell the first#micah bell the second#fan theory#dutch van der linde#rdr2 fandom
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Mephiles the Mind, Iblis the Heart
Basically a breakdown of how I interpreted 06 but also a foundation I use for all my AUs.
Mephiles is highly intelligent and apathetic while Iblis relies on emotion and is more like a wild animal. Mephiles does not have full access to Solaris' time powers, but Iblis does. However, Iblis does not have the mental capacity to actually use them.
Things that are less “interpretive” and more “theory”:
This is why Iblis needed a powerful emotion to be released
In the original timeline, the one which led to Silver’s future, it was Elise’s death which released Iblis. Because the seal was broken improperly, Mephiles could not recombine with Iblis. Therefore, he would need to look for a different way, but he can’t with Sonic being there and being an obstacle (not while Mephiles is still weak). Hence why he brought in Silver—a powerful hedgehog determined to save his future no matter the cost—who is also a completely new factor to change the timeline. Silver would keep Sonic busy while Mephiles figured out how to properly release Iblis… Since letting her die didn’t work last time. When Silver began figuring out the charade, Mephiles didn’t care enough to try hard with his manipulations, especially if it meant Silver would help keep Elise alive. However, once Mephiles realized the way to release Iblis was via an extreme emotion from Elise well… how convenient that the Princess grew attached to a certain blue hedgehog. Turns out killing Sonic really was the key all along. And if you want something done right… you gotta do it yourself.
Essentially (to explain Mephiles’ weird planning in canon), Mephiles did not know the seal was reliant on Elise’s emotions in the beginning, so he sends Silver to distract Sonic while he figures out how to actually free his other half. How ironic that killing Sonic is indeed what needs to happen. Mephiles basically has a “wait, it’s actually that simple?” moment
The strong emotion can be anything—grief, anger, joy, fear—it just has to be strong. Like a “consuming your mind” kind of strong.
The original explosion which killed Elise was too sudden for any strong emotion to pop up. (Even in her last moments, she had faith Sonic would save her.)
Mephiles is the mind while Iblis is the heart. Only once combined does Mephiles—or Solaris now—actually feel feelings. However, Solaris is still adjusting after the disoriented episode of being literally split in two and so acts completely on his anger toward mortals for taking advantage of him.
At the end of 06, Solaris isn’t destroyed but rather is scattered/subdued, and everyone will already be long gone by the time Solaris’ pieces are reunited. Like “after Dark Gaia and Light Gaia have restarted the planet” kind of long time. They are gods after all. Time is different for them.
The rest of this is sparked from my “Trinity Gods” fanon. Aka, Gaia, the Master Emerald, and Solaris are the three gods who created Earth, as well as any planets prior to Earth. The Master Emerald is also called “Mother Chaos”.
While Gaia slumbers, Mother Chaos and Solaris watch over the planet to protect it. During Earth’s creation, Mother Chaos took on a physical form (ie. The Master Emerald) to live on Earth amongst its creatures. Curious about all Mother Chaos learned whilst living amongst mortals, Solaris decided to also take on a physical form and live amongst them. However, this meant limiting his ability to see the future—or rather which future would come true. Thus, Solaris did not see what the humans planned on doing with him until it was too late.
Gaia and Mother Chaos are A-Okay with Solaris destroying the planet. I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time one of them has, after all. It’d be a bummer for it to end so soon, but they can just make another one. It’s because of this that they don’t interfere with Solaris’ plot… as well as the fact that their creations had hurt their friend.
It’s also this familiarity that means the Chaos Emeralds will so easily obey Mephiles. Doesn’t matter who posses them or if they’re on the other side of the planet, if the gods call, they answer.
#mephiles the dark#iblis sonic#Iblis the inferno#the flames of disaster#solaris#making this as a post I can link to for my other stuff#sonic 06#Sonic 06 theory#sonic theory#Sonic au#dadphiles au#askthesonicgods#Sonic the hedgehog#sth#sth art#sth fanart#sth idea#baguette art#baguette thoughts
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I'm thinking abt that pretty fall leaves embroidery pattern post and about how like... it is categorically a repost, it's a reupload. right? a thing that is generally disliked. but because it's credited, it's genuinely boosting the artist in question. and it could ALWAYS be like this. reposting content could ALWAYS be a symbiotic relationship, but because sourcing back to the original creator of something is so uncommon, it's just easier to ask people not to repost it at all. and people still don't understand the difference. or they'll go to the effort of cropping out usernames/signatures to repost something, which is More Effort than literally crediting the creator of something you liked enough to want to repost. Like. I literally don't actually care if my own shit gets reposted, you have to understand. I just don't want it STOLEN. But "do not repost" is easier to write on my art than "you can repost this, but don't alter the image/remove my signature, don't you dare write 'credit goes to the artist' because that is not credit, please link back to my original post or someplace that you can actually find me. please use an actual link/url instead of writing a non-clickable link of my username, because making it text instead of a clickable link cuts the number of people who will go to the effort of visiting my own page in Half." All those aggregate themed accounts, those fuckin annoying as hell instagrams and facebook groups that are like "body positive art we love wamen 💕 hashtag feminism" and then MASS-STEAL plus sized art created by women, if pages like these that always go and steal my older self-portraits and other works... If they just put a link to my prints of those pieces in the text of those posts, or, fuck, my commission info page? I would literally be living on the moon right now. I would have a house on the moon
#there is actually nothing morally wrong with running an account that just reuploads ppl's artwork or their jokes or their cosplays#if you just put a VISIBLE LINK in the description of your post with proper credit then it would be beneficial for everyone#because you can get your little clout or whatever it is you want by putting a bunch of same-category content on a page#but nobody's getting fucked over because if your post blows up then people just get FUNNELED to the source#because it's placed so plainly where everyone can see it#and yeah it's better to retweet or reblog but#on the rare occasion that I see my shit reuploaded on tumblr WHICH IS WEIRD BC I MAKE MY OWN POSTS HERE but anyway#someone making their own post where they upload my stuff. and it's always the floral self portraits so let's say it's a post with all those#if I scroll to the bottom and it says like. Artwork by Serglesinner on Twitter <-- clickable link [Sergle's Prints] <-- clickable link#to my etsy#I'm like oh okay and all the anger leaves my body and I'm like ah I see. and I toss the rock aside#like oh okay so you actually care that a person made these pieces. Instead of posting the caption ''women <3'' or smth#like you've GOTTA die if you do that. but if you just link back#or if you go to the effort of writing like a description with a BLURB? like it's a damn museum. like a light paragraph of info#about what the art is and who made it and their links#I am literally sucking you in a strange and peculiar manner. that is extremely helpful#and maybe other artists don't want this AT ALL and they'd rather people not reupload even if it is credited#but I feeeeeeeeel. like 99% of the time this would solve the issue#reposters could genuinely be helping ppl. sometimes the repost gets more traction than the real thing#as long as it credits the creator then that's an okay thing to happen!#that can land somebody a sale! a commission order! a new fan! A JOB#A JOB!!!!!!!!!!#sergle.txt#I didn't write this eloquently AT ALL what the fuck ever barkbarkbarkbark
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I AM AT MY LIMIT
Snoopy #90
30/12/2024
description under the cut
[description: a cartoon-style drawing of Snoopy's head. Snoopy is a white dog with black ears. His eyes are shut and his mouth is a horizontal line. There are two large blue teardrops, one under each eye. The text "I am at my limit" is handwritten across the top of the image.]
#peanuts#snoopy#art#90#based on that emoji face meme but i can't find the original ANYWHERE#at least not the entire image unedited. other than on like redbubble listings but i don't want to link those haha#if someone has a link to it please send it to me!! so i can link it in the post. thanks :)#also i have decided to start doing descriptions for each image (which i have been meaning to do for a while)#now that people actually follow this blog and interact with it and stuff#tbh i should've started doing them a long time ago#but the idea of retroactively going back to every post and adding a description kept putting me off... which is silly because it's only#gonna become more work the longer i leave it. so you know. just gotta start doing it#i will endeavour to add a description to all the previous snoopys of the day soon 🤞#anyway i made this because i sent a friend the original emoji image (taken from a redbubble screenshot LOL)#because we have been trying to book a place to stay for a group trip (6 people)#and like i did all the research and made a list to start us off (while letting people know they could add to the list) and sent that around#and made a poll for people to vote for their preferred place#and some people in the group have been taking FOREVER to respond with their opinions about accommodation#like to the point where all the other good places on the list have been booked up now and there is just one left#which luckily is the one with the most votes#and today i was like (about to book that one) ok well before i book i'm just checking that everyone is ok with these dates?#and some of them were like ohhh actually no. we haven't booked our flights yet so we're not sure which days exactly we'll be there#WHAT DO YOU MEAN!#in fairness i should've checked that we were all on the same page about dates beforehand#but like. the trip is literally in like 5 weeks AND during a public holiday like omfggggggg everywhere is gonna be booked out#do you know how hard it is to find accommodation for 6 people#and i don't even know the people who haven't been responding/haven't booked their flights/whatever#they're friends of a friend (who will also be coming on the trip) and i know nothing about them#i think i would be a lot less annoyed if it was just my friends because we would've just hopped on a call and sorted everything out in like#one night. otherwise we know + trust each other enough to make decisions for each other if we can't/don't want to be involved in planning
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Someone killed my boss last night and he sent me this I'm so fired
god I can't wait to make this comic.
#not me making a prelaunch link so I can share it on art of them that I do and then immediately being like hm#feels kind of weird to link a comic that doesnt exist yet#HAHAHAHAH#theres just no pleasing me#oh well I'll stick to my guns. I thought about it a long time#and doing things that feel weird is kind of the name of the game when it comes to making art#we were legion#zagan#this is so funny to me#its like not even that funny but#I love him. idk I think because I know what the comic is gonna be like stuff like this is 1 million times funnier to me#he sucks so bad and it would suck to read if he were the only one in the comic but because luciel is also there#then its just funny. cause juxtaposition#I love luciel too but theyre less good for standalone drawings and memes without comic context#so my brains like erm... theres nothing there....#also my tags are bugging out when I type them on the ocmputer idk how to explain whats happening but its kind of annoying#jumping around all over the place. makes it hard to read while I'm typing them. its fine#if theres typos its cause somethings going weird with my computer#lately when I've opened firefox its just shaking all over the place#til I alt tab out of it and back to it. I have straight up no idea why#and my internet has been bugging out. the LAN connection keeps flickering and then going out...??#YES I switched the ethernet cable connecting the modem and the router NO I dont know whats going on#I dont wanna deaaaaaal wiiiithhh customer serviceeee its fine. I'll do it later if switching the coax cable doesnt help#uh. anyways none of that matters cause I can still make my fuckin comics babeyyy#as long as I've got my comics. I'm good. though it is annoying when I cant look up references or spelling of words cause I do that constant#but its fine!#love I can draw without internet I dont even notice when it goes out sometimes aughajkghagj#anyways I'm super excited about this comic and if you're intereted theres a presave link now so#yeay#I'll post places other than webtoon but I'm just doing webtoon early so TTA readers can switch over easier
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magma doodles, starring young might
#i would've posted the link for others to join in or watch me if they wanted#buuuut i didn't want random ppl to join and draw Weird stuff lmao#if i ever use magma again maybe i can make a post abt it and mutuals can ask for the link#for those who don't know magma is a collaborative art site pretty much!!#my hero academia#mha#boku no hero academia#bnha#mha fanart#bnha fanart#toshinori yagi#yagi toshinori#all might#artists on tumblr#my art#clover's funky shit
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Forced against my will to post these(thanks @flopnandoalonso and @schumigrace ...) , but please enjoy gifs of: Fernando at the spa (PLEASE DON'T BLOCK ME)
#posting this and closing tumblr for the rest of the night DJKFSLGR#also gifing this doesnt even feel nearly as bad as the actual clip itself#so i linked it. go watch it.#THERES JUST SO MUCH YKNOW#cause like not only is all this feet stuff going on in the background. theyre also talking abt him peeing in the car#these gifs are just ... foot stuff hm#I DONT WANT IT ON MY BLOG EITHER BUT I GOTTA GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT#i hope youre happy. i stopped drawing for tonight to make these instead UGHHHH#yes i can be peer pressured#but also i think its very funny#this clip has haunted me for more than half a year and look here now you have it#i still think i like the other massage scene better. its a lot more subtle#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#tw feet#fernando(show)#fernando s1e4#we do a little bit of f1#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion
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Sam: "Look at me. Hey- look at me a second. I know. I know you're tough. I know how strong you are. You have every right to be proud of that. But being able to handle somethin' doesn't mean you should have to. Least of all when I'm right here trying to help. Please let me help. If not for you then for me, because I don't like knowin' you're hurtin', especially when there's somethin' I can do about it."
Me, shaking my head, fighting back literal tears: "B-but it's gonna give you another headache!"
#redacted sam#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted fandom#[Sam's name doubles as a link to the specific lines i quoted btw. just for full credit/transparency & for anyone who wants to (re)listen]#Sam's deep-seated need to heal vs my inability to accept help would be a battle for the ages. unstoppable force vs immovable object#wait Sam already mentioned the force vs object thing to David during the inversion didn't he lmao 'they call /me/ Immovable Object'#he does suit Immovable a little more than Unstoppable i guess. i mean he can def be both imo but ykwim. anyways i digress#listen. i'm not a Marriage kinda guy. but good god the way some of Sam's lines make me wanna take a fucking knee and propose#i'm love him ur honor. he is comfort incarnate#can't believe i waited so long to listen to the Valentines Vampire Attack audio. it's got so much of that sweet sweet hurt/comfort#very reminiscent of their 2nd audio given all the healing he does for them & the consent checks before moving clothing and whatnot#which makes it a top favorite for me bc that's probably my most replayed Sam audio. and the one that initially hooked me#i didn't put off listening to it bc i thought i Wouldn't like it btw i just procrastinate everything for no real reason#listening to it now tho actually worked out well bc i could uh. definitely use it. so maybe i was subconsciously saving it for hard times#this post isn't a joke btw it really does hurt to hear him put himself in pain for the sake of healing Darlin' :(((#anD PAINKILLERS DON'T EVEN WORK ON HIM!!! ough man i would struggle so hard to accept his healing if i were in Darlin's shoes#like yeah there's other reasons i'd struggle to accept it too but him being in pain as a result would be one of 'em. the Guilt bro i can't#rp audio stuff#Seven.txt#(Seven blorbo-posting at 2am when they should either be doing something productive or sleeping?? more likely than you might think)
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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" just...come here. just sit here with me" (...that one scene from princess momonoke, click for better resolution)
#tw death mentioned for the tag rambles!! (sorry)#meme redraw gone wrong (high effort). don't ask me how i did this- i don't know either. consider this perhaps an AU of the pyre scene?#or more accurately just my internal wonderings visualised. sometimes the vibes from the implications don't pan out the same way#i also lost the original sketch somewhere in my papers. alas. i vaguely recall thinking this would be haha funny and then somewhere down#the line it turned to angst. other quotes that inspired this from the show were 'ily. i'm sorry' and 'i will always be so proud of you'.#smth smth they met on the roof!! vincent stops quincy from jumping off and then. vincent tries to die + eventually quincy kills him on the#very same roof. anyway the quincent death scene was spinning around for a bit in my head and out of the miscellaneous sketches this won out#wanted to play w the strong blue lighting + bg + silhouette things that you get w stage lighting // replaced the knife w vincent's scalpel#quincy is kneeling bc poses + idk why it's fun staging for him ;-; // also the proximity + intimacy.. // the pyre is also in the bg#but it's silhouetted behind quincy. i think the last quincy post made me associate symbolism (help??) bc as i was painting i was thinking o#angel wings ksdjfh // not to mention the halos. halos are always fun to paint.. shiny stuff...#and from the last vincent art. i guess the star and eye imagery carried over. hm. tried to get the quincy halo to match so its like a#rounder less spiky star? which hehe aligns w the sun vibes (that i??can't explain??) but more importantly here i was thinking about#binary stars for the glowy parts. two in orbit in pull to one another.. tension.. ue. also the glow for vincent goes to stabby eye so like#behind the face shown to viewer. meanwhile for quincy it goes in front of the face#and of course u have the downward linking implied line from quincy's tears +scalpel + glowy eye.#this is supposed to be rotatable.. in landscape form u can have either quincy or vincent upright (pov) + it should work both ways#//bonus stuff is vincent holding the skask w bloody hands + shadow looks like blood spatters. like it would if quincy did the stabby.#hhhh this is the most. confused i have been making a piece lately.. just toss in a lot of fun visual stuff and mix..#if the rambling analysis here seems pointless and confused i think that's why. this is why u should plan out your essays o.O..#oh. stuff i just remembered: the whole impetus for vincent planning his own death was so quincy would be happy / it's already#mentioned before quincy kills vincent that he's severely injured- vincent says it's fine- ig u could intepret it as a finishing blow?#hastened over the phaethon announcement- when they make the second announcement quincy looks up smiling until the admin gives it to#beatrix-he didn't know.. // <- so for this it's possible to infer that vincent wasn't very attached to living anymore.. hence why they look#more accepting above. while quincy is looking very angsty and conflicted. yeah.. // tldr! don't look into it too deeply it's a meme redraw#adamandi#quincy cynthius martin#vincent aurelius lin#tw knife
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#i’m extremely grateful and impressed but also a little still ‘holy shit what’#posting here only to say i took my tumblr off the social links#so we are like a secret club here now :)#it’s not like it would be impossible to find my tumblr (it literally has the same username as my other socials)#but i also don’t want it to be the immediate link anyone who sees the video can see me on#although i only post SFW and not too much other than witcher#i will say i don’t need everyone to see my angoulême and regis are BFFs headcanons bc that is largely irrelevant to serious discussion lol#i see it like this#sometimes i make more important witcher things#and sometimes i do stuff just for fun#and the tumblr is mostly just for fun :D#and also for sad :D sometimes haha#IV
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Since you have a lot of opinions about Sunflower fics, do you have any recommendations :p? I do generally agree with you about the derth of good works on them - kind of hoping for something I've maybe slept on.
Okay, I'll try,
First of all — I want everyone, and I mean everyone to read Coda for a Crestfallen Caitiff by MercuriallyApathetic, who also wrote The Strange Summer of Sunny Whatshisface (still one of my favorite longfics to this day but a lot more lighthearted). Coda is a masterpiece, it makes me insane, it is criminally underrated, I want to inhale its essence, and when I first read it it gave me a panic attack and a mental breakdown that lasted three straight days (/pos). Definitely read the tags and prepare yourself mentally but JESUS CHRIST I need everyone to read it. Please. You will regret it for a few hours but it is... an experience. To me at least. And to the two people I recommended it to who gave me feedback.
Then there's sunflower seeds in the rearview mirror by @andrewwtca which remains probably my favorite multichapter OMORI fic of all time (you might spot my essay-comments in the later chapters, I love this fic so much. I didn't end up writing one for the last chapter but man did it hit me hard). Very intriguing with a captivating style and an unreliable narrator mechanic that I am absolutely in love with. Everything by that author is excellent.
We have, of course, literally everything by BetweenDisorders. Arsenic is partly inspired by one of their fics ! (you know the one.) Their characterization of both Sunny and Basil (but especially Basil, because I'm gay) makes me froth at the mouth. Their style is very recognizable and honestly one of the best I've ever seen. But more generally, they have really original and intriguing ideas (like communication, in which Basil and Sunny are two computers... Did I mention how I'm a sucker for original/unique plots and premises enough yet) and everything they do is something you've never seen before. It's amazing.
Note to Self: Don't Be Gay in Faraway Town by witheredahlia is also very, very good. It's a lot lighter, but it still made my gay little heart ache, because I'm a sucker for misunderstandings done correctly (fight me).
Detective Sunny by Det_Sun is genuinely one of the most creative, fascinating OMORI fics I've seen, and also way too underrated. It's an excellent read, and there's a bunch of ideas in it that you know go deeper than what is shown, and it makes my brain go at the speed of light. Many many thoughts about this one. (Side note: I fucking love it when there's unexplored ideas in fics. Makes my brain go brrr. Not everything has to be shown and when I see hints of "behind the scene" thoughts and character background that isn't discussed much but still implied, my brain becomes a feral animal. I don't know if that makes sense...)
#im recommending fics that can be morally be read by/recommended to everyone because i know my demographic#but i literally just went through my bookmarks and ooh'ed and ahh'ed at every other fic so i linked them lol.#i'm not linking 'the telltale of a recovering megalomaniac' by shootingstarlightt because im trying to link underrated things#but it's also very good.#there's also Drying on the Steps by DeepFriedBasil but i can't recommend it because i haven't finished reading it !!#but it's so intriguing and unique and you can spot me in the comments of the first few chapters trying to make sense of it all.#I didn't link Culinary Conversations for the same reason (I have yet to catch up on it unfortunately) but it's MAGICAL it's INCREDIBLE#I NEED MORE FICS THAT WRITE STRANGER LIKE THIS. PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#on the topic of characterization: Sunny & Mari Edition™ we also have Mari Doesn't Die At The End by CoreyWW#and The Very Best by nullmeh. both are very very good.#Deep Down We're Still The Same Kids by witheredahlia is also great from what I remember but I... don't remember much#there's some fics in my bookmarks i just... don't remember. oops.#...i hope this post isn't too long. i'm leaving some stuff in the tags because linking them in the post would've made it 3ft long#and also because when i give fic recs I feel like I have to arguments it and for some of those I don't really know what to say except Good#please read Coda for a Crestfallen Caitiff. please.#rant#omori#ask#ephemeralspirit-blog#fic recs#most if not all of these are sunflower btw ! i basically only read sunflower.#sorry to my fellow ze[...]ae lovers btw. i'd recommend them but. again. i know my demographic
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finally found a place to read With the Light online and i'm thrilled; if you haven't read this manga i do Legitimately recommend it
#N posts stuff#like don't get it wrong it Is Not a series about being autistic it Is a series about raising an autistic kid#but also don't be put off by that because it's legitimately a series that I feel Loves autistic people with its whole being#it's kind of a teaching manga so it showcases a lot of different opinions/characters/conflicts/etc. but the Framing is very consistent#in that the manga is Extremely of the opinion that autistic people are People who deserve to be Valued and Accepted As They Are#the onus for change is never put on autistic individuals the framing is basically Universal in the 'the World needs to change#to be more accepting' -- it's a very Social Model depiction of autism that ALSO never veers too far into the#'autism isn't even Really a disability' fallacy; it's very much a 'A lot of autistic people will need constant support in a variety of ways#throughout their lives but that isn't the roadblock preventing them from having their own lives; ableism in society is the roadblock'#the first two chapters are the hardest to get through bc they take place before Sachiko has any real understanding of autism and#so she's isolated and stressed out and the ignorance makes it difficult for her to care for Hikaru properly (there's also a lot of#other characters Blaming her for what's going on which goes unchallenged at this point though that changes later); but after she#understands what autism is she's Firmly in Hikaru's corner for the rest of the series - you can skip right to ch 3 without a problem#if you're not interested in reading about that initial conflict#there's still a Lot of conflict ofc but by then the chapters have some of my favorite moments so i don't want to advocate skipping#them; like Hikaru's daycare teacher explaining how Hikaru's difficulty speaking is the same as other kids' troubles with#things like jump-roping/etc.; and then a mother who has An Issue with Hikaru's presence in her daughter's class realizing the#depth of the problematic opinion bc Her mother (who had a stroke) faces similar ableism from her peers#i'm cutting this post off b4 the tags get Too long but if you're curious but still hesitant man. send me an ask and i will Happily#write an insanely long essay about how much i love this series; i have all the books i'm not excited about the online availability#for Me i'm excited bc i've been wanting to rec this manga for like almost a full decade and i can finally give you a link instead of#saying 'well. you can find used copies sometimes' lol
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probably going to rework my human bellum design again
#surprise surprise im still not satisfied with it but i think i have the base down#might just rework his clothing a liiiiitle and maybe like. give him at least slightly darker skin#he still comes off as edgy or some shit to me. i still want to stick with the violent delinquent sorta angle#i just feel like its a bit much or whatever. he just seems too unremarkable but also too detailed#or something. with the scars all over. maybe its bc i cant picture him v well in the game artstyle? but ive never cared much abt that#tho looking at the comms ive gotten of him. he seems fine. the x on the eyepatch might be a bit much#maybe he can customize it when he materializes it idk and the x is a default. its made of sand when you inspect it#it might also help to write him more. force myself to think abt him in situations#in other news im thinking abt damien possible post ph healing magic. i like the idea i have#i really need to fiure out more defined post ph arcs it does bother me how aimless it is#i know vague stuff but very little specifics. it needs a fucking plot#i do want to keep bellums human form making him look closely related to link. i like that#its funny if nothing else#salty talks#damiens fine hes just a guy he doesnt need anything too fancy. if i think abt it too long my certainty dissolves#wow i love being insecure ablut my ideas. i love rsd. ohhhhhhhhh boyyy#now its a minor vent. w/e. at rhis rate im. gonna start talking abt how my job scheduled me on a shift#with the literal bare minimum number of scheduled workers so if its slightly busy its going to be a living hell#at least i get paid for closing so when closing inevitably takes over an hour bc i have to do it alone im getting paid more#if i wasnt motivated by money itd be so fucking over for me in the workforce
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Blog directory
I finally decide to organize everything here
My Count Blog (Joseph + Claude) // My Embrace Blog (Victor)
Art tag: unconcerned art / unconcerned collab
Comics tag: unconcerned comic
Mun tag: its me the mun / unconcerned ramblings
RPs: unconcerned reply
Events
1. Exorcist event (100 followers)
2. Joseph and Mun event
3. 250 request fest (250 followers)
4. chibi muffin event
5. aesop draws
6. Exorcist 2.0 (400 followers)
7. 550 skin event (550 followers)
8. Fenix/Birdsop (700 followers)
9. mun got a new pen
10. cookie event
11. Gatto event (~800 followers)
Comic series
1. Exorcist event (intro / extra)
2. Modern Ghost AU
3. Exorcist 2.0 (intro)
4. Modern Ghost AU 2 electric boogaloo (in progress)
Miscellaneous tags I happen to have: mersop, simp au, gen/shin flavoured, modern au stuff, the drama tm
#im not gonna tag this im pinning this HAHAHAHA#wow ive really done a whole lot for this blog huh. sheds a tear#went through the mass post editor for all this. so hopefully i got them all XD#theres other stuff like my opinions on characters but thats not what ppl r here for so i didnt include those#all my comics including the short 1 - 3 pages ones are in the comics tag. the series are the more serious projects#anyway i did put gatto as the 800 follower event cos i was kind of expecting my follower count to go up by like 5 n reach 800#but instead it uh. fell by 5 instead. so technically im not at 800 yet#lying on the internet. who wouldve known#i did want to put little summaries for the events n comics but. theyre pretty self explanatory HAHAHAHA#also i really really hope the tags work. that is a lot of posts and tag links im not ready to fix again#im just gonna put the date when i update this just in case. i dont know if there will be any more events or comics#since a lot of things are. well. the odds are pretty stacked. mainly me being out of touch with idv#and the idv ask blog scene in general........ well............#anyway! ill see how long i can do this for. work and life in general makes it impossible for me to be consistently posting everyday all yea#i guess me rambling in the tags will always be a constant huh. do i really want all this to be in a pinned post? yeah sure why not
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